I’d only ever sat in one Ayahuasca ceremony before, and I hadn’t experienced any visions or major breakthroughs in that ceremony. I was clearly doing the work I needed to do with San Pedro. The truth was, I was also scared of Ayahuasca. My last ceremony with San Pedro was the final release of those fears, and so I agreed with Javier that there was no better next step than sitting in an Ayahuasca ceremony.
I had a light breakfast that morning, and then fasted for the rest of the day as we were advised to. 6PM came and I was slightly nervous but felt ready. I drunk the first cup, and an hour later I was experiencing some mild sensory distortions but nothing significant. I chose to drink a second cup and within minutes, the visions hit me hard. The stars were dancing in the sky, and each time I shut my eyes the visions came on strongly.
I was lying flat on my mat, open to whatever was coming, before I noticed small spiders running all over me. I became aware that I was being held down by thick Ayahuasca vines. As I looked up, a plant like alien was standing there made only of leaves. He was commanding these spiders to move all over me, healing me on a deep cellular level. Such a vision may sound incredibly frightening, but at the time it wasn’t. There was no shock or resistance at all and I simply lay there and allowed the experience to happen. If it hadn’t been for my previous San Pedro ceremony, I would probably have been in full blown freak-out mode.
It’s times like this when I remember that there’s nothing objectively pleasant or unpleasant about any experience or situation. It’s the response of the mind and the mental dialogue that follows that makes it so. I also realized that Ayahuasca wouldn’t “force” visions on me, at least not at this dosage. There was a special way of giving in, showing willing and allowing the visions in before they would come. I spent most of the 5 hour ceremony lying on my back and just breathing and experiencing whatever arose. This was a real breakthrough!
I saw pyramids of eyes everywhere, before feeling a large snake moving through my intestines that had entered through my backside – take from that what you will. My parents faces popped into my mind very clearly, and only love followed. I noticed a huge furry spider to the left of me on the floor and I begun to stroke it. The more I stroked it the furrier and softer it got, until it transformed into an eagle. I looked away and then looked back again to see the spider and the eagle sitting together on the floor. My perception was that they were very similar but in an opposite/counterpart kind of way, and that they were born from the same place – manifestations of the same thing.
I spent a little time outside, really feeling the magic and mystery of this medicine. There was no separation between the magic of the garden and the magic I felt inside myself. I have come to realize that both San Pedro and Ayahuasca are spirits or entities that one can form a relationship with. These are not simply substances to be ingested – the act of drinking is an invitation to the essence of the being to cleanse and heal. All the logic, scepticism and rational thinking falls flat in the face of the actual experience. To the uninitiated, they might just seem to be hallucinations or “trips”. Hallucinations are something that happens in the mind – this medicine works at levels far deeper than the thinking mind. Sure – hallucinations of the mind can well a subset of the medicine’s work, but are not the whole. As the mind becomes more transparent, hallucinations turn to profound visions, insights and knowledge.
I looked up at the glass ceiling and saw a ghost like shape imprinted which I just assumed to be “the ghost of Ayahuasca.” I put this down to the humidity and condensation in the room although Javier later told me that there was no condensation on the ceiling glass.
I felt that the ceremony was a real test of my ability to go in to the experience and be willing, regardless of whatever would come up, and I did. I was really happy to find such a benevolent plant healer that I know I can come to in future. 
Ayahuasca has a strong incapacitating effect on the body. I was hard to walk and I often had to crawl to the bathroom, although I felt calm and centered throughout. The effects wore off quickly after the closing ceremony and I slowly walked back to Paz Y Luz and got into bed. I looked back at the last 14 ceremonies. From the dramas and stories I would play out, the fear, pain and suffering, all the way to the experience I’d just had. I’d come a long way. I went to sleep a few minutes later and slept through to the next morning.
