This ceremony was my last of my current visit to Peru, and there isn’t much to say about it other than it was a blissful ending and a sign of how far I’d come.
Rather than the usual powdered mixture, I drunk a different kind of medicine. The San Pedro is boiled further and refined until my usual 2 cup dose becomes a large shot glass measure. The taste of the powder was getting worse and worse and so I decided to give this a go instead. The taste was bad, but slightly better than the powder and there was much less of it! I went back to my seat in the Maloka and waited for something to happen.
The medicine came on so hard and so strong, it almost knocked me out. In one moment I was wondering if I had drunk enough of this new brew, and in the next I was watching a non existent lightening storm in the clouds – I’ve never had such powerful visual hallucinations before. I heard Javier say, “breathe” to me as I realised I’d forgotten to! The experience was so powerful and would once have reduced me to a screaming, shivering mess, but I was holding it just fine.
I had been promised far less nausea and a “cleaner” experience with this brew, as a number of the unpleasant physical effects are down to drinking a large amount of thick cactus mixture. I’d been lied to! I was feeling as nauseous as ever, the only difference was that I couldn’t throw up as there was nothing in my stomach! After rolling around and moaning a little in the garden I knew that there was a purge coming. “No resistance – just give in,” I reminded myself. I lay flat on the grass and my eyes filled with tears. I cried harder than I’ve ever cried – my mind was empty. It was a kind of deep primal pain, beyond words. I haven’t yet been entirely sold on past lives however this could distinctly have been something from before or beyond this life and existence.
After it was out and I’d recovered, the nausea and discomfort passed and the feeling of lightness and relief came over me. I smiled, danced, stood on my head and just went with the flow. I’d never been that into dance and movement but realised that through certain postures it was possible to become aware of the smallest of resistances through muscle tensions and twitches whilst balancing.
The afternoon was spent in bliss and I spend the rest of the time just “being”, and remaining aware of any resistance or attachments that came up, no matter how small or subtle.
What a wonderful end to this series of ceremonies!
“Don’t love the person or their mind, love the qualities that the person embodies and represents.”
