I’d run a successful IT consulting business for over ten years. Only twenty eight years old, I was tired, weary and bored. My motivation was lacking and my interest was non-existent – I was ready to retire, to curl up and die. Spurred on by my family and friends, reminding me of my success and how I was “living the dream”, no matter how much I tried to convince myself, I was empty and deeply dissatisfied. I knew that I wanted more, but I didn’t know what that was, never mind how to get it. I only knew that it wasn’t more money or distractions that I was after.
I had read every spiritual book on the market, and practised countless forms of meditation – always looking for the next “best” one. I was paralysed with frustration and confusion.
Eventually after a series of painful experiences, stress and illness, I’d had enough. I couldn’t play ignorant any more or keep brushing this under the carpet. Taking a few extra walks or sitting in meditation for ten minutes a day wasn’t going to cut it. I needed a major re-evaluation and life overhaul. After years of hesitation, I rented out my apartment, and sold my car before boarding a flight with my wife headed to Quito, Ecuador.
In hindsight it was a monumental step in showing myself that I was willing. Willing to give up all the safety and material comfort for the unknown.
We arrived in Quito with the intention of slowly travelling south. We stopped in Galapagos to dive, before heading further south through Peru to Machu Picchu and then to the small town of Pisac where I planned to join an Ayahuasca ceremony.
Taking the plunge from staying in expensive yet sterile hotels to cheap traveller hostels allowed us to meet a some really great people from all kinds of backgrounds. These travel experiences alone begun to open my consciousness and allowed me to begin taking a look at the irrational fears that I had constructed in my mind. There was a world out there full of experiences, possibilities and unknowns that I had been hiding away from. I was quickly beginning to learn about myself; the things I enjoyed and the things I didn’t as opposed to the things that I was supposed to enjoy and the things that my peers enjoyed. I had become tired of trying to convince myself to just “fit in”.
The hunger remained and the journey continued, although I was beginning to form a vague idea of the kind of nourishment I was looking for. The journey of self-discovery had begun and there was nothing more exhilarating. I was excited to travel, meet new people, visit museums, try new foods and restaurants, see new sights and immerse myself in the local culture. It was the last thing I would have ever expected. I began to realize that I didn’t know myself or my mind at all. Everything I had believed, known and feared was being proven wrong.
I had begun to realize that spirituality was not forming philosophies around books on spirituality or spiritual practices. I had a feeling that spirituality was more unknown and mysterious than I’d always believed.
From my online research and reading other peoples’ ceremony experiences, I had built a detailed and mostly negative picture of every aspect of the experience. By the time we arrived in Pisac, I knew that I was totally mentally committed to taking part in the medicine ceremonies. There was no way I was leaving this town having not had my ceremony, although I was scared to death.
