If I like a person, and you don’t like that person, is the person likeable?
Sure they’re likeable to me but not not to you, but objectively speaking is that person likeable?
There’s no answer – there isn’t any objective universal likeability score that we can use to measure that person against.
There are certain traits that are generally more appreciated than others, but that’s not what we’re talking about here.
We’re talking about the day to day thoughts that people have and judgements that they make of each other.
I might like a person because they look a bit like a close family member, and the way they act reminds me of a good friend.
Their voice might feel safe and calming to me.
You might not like that person because their haircut reminds you of someone that cheated on you, you think they act stupidly and their perfume smells bad.
None of this has anything to do with that person though – it’s nothing but our own past experiences, our beliefs and our own trauma body that we’re projecting onto that person and their actions, and then either liking them or not liking them as a result.
Our assumptions about their motives and behaviour is usually completely wrong too.
The truth is, there is no other person, all you have is a mirror, reflecting yourself back at you.
There is no way that you can act, where everyone could like every aspect of you, and that you don’t trigger anyone else’s dislike or negative judgement, or cause any offence or upset, because all we’re doing is projecting aspects of ourselves onto one another.
If you talk a lot to try and come across as confident, someone will find you noisy and arrogant.
If you talk an average amount to try and blend in, someone will find you regular and boring.
If you stay silent so you don’t upset anyone or stand out, someone will wonder what they’ve done to offend you and why you’re not speaking – maybe you’re angry or you’ve got some kind of problem.
We can never fully know another person in that sense, we’re just coming to know the parts of ourselves that we see reflected in them, both those parts that we embrace and like, and those parts that we’ve disowned and trigger our trauma body.
Just give the whole idea up!
Forget about other people’s thoughts, none of them have anything to do with you.
By that, I don’t mean that it’s none of your business, although it isn’t.
But I mean that their thoughts that they think they’re having about you aren’t actually about you at all.
They’re just projecting all of their stuff, their upset, disappointment, all their judgements onto the person that’s standing in front of them and whatever mental image they’ve got of you that isn’t who you are at all, and then they’re making their judgements about that.
There’s absolutely nothing to you can do about it, so why don’t you just be you, and let them be them.
