A lot of our unhappiness is caused by our mind – the voice in our heads.
One of the earlier realisations on the path of spiritual growth is that “I have a voice in my head“, and if you’re here reading this article, you’re probably already aware of this voice that’s always talking and narrating and usually making you quite miserable.
There is a lot of different problems that this mental dialog causes for us.
First, we spend a huge amount of time and energy in manufacturing and replaying and responding to endless situations so that we can be better prepared for them in future, but It is very rare that a situation that we’ve rehearsed ever actually arises in reality.
We spend most of our time rehearsing and preparing for situations that will never actually happen and every once in a while such a situation WILL happen and our mind will jump on it as evidence for why it should continue doing what it has been doing and how right it was all along.
Second is that the body can’t distinguish between events in reality and events that the mind is generating and practicing, so when we think a lot of fearful or self-critical thoughts, the body brings up those same emotions as if we were living through the situation in reality – anxiety, stress, adrenaline, anger, being in an inner state of fight or flight and ready to react.
This is exhausting for the body and it limits its ability to fight disease and remain healthy because it’s in this constant state of tension in fighting these imaginary monsters.
Sometimes this inner voice can be very harsh, an incredibly harsh critic that puts us in a constant state of disempowerment and makes it incredibly hard to move forward with any enjoyment in life.
The self talk isn’t always negative through, sometimes it can be positive, encouraging, reflecting on happy or enjoyable events, what a good time we had on some trip, and how much fun it was.
But even when the dialog is more positive, we are still, in the moment that this dialog is happening, and our eyes are open but we’re not really home, we’re detached from reality, we’re not living in the present, we’re living through our thoughts in this other place, and as soon as that positive story that we’re replaying picks up on a hint of anything negative, our mind will just run off like crazy with it, and the dialog quickly becomes negative.
We’ve evolved to look for danger and look for threats, and the mind has really taken this to an extreme.
What’s more, and I’ll say more about this in another video, but one of the things that I began to see in my own life and those around me, about 10 or 12 years ago is that our mind only finds the things that it looks for.
If I tell you that there has been a big increase in the number of yellow cars on the road in the last week, you will begin to see them, you’ll see far more yellow cars than you ever did before, and you’ll tell me that I was right and that you’ve noticed them.
If I tell you that a lot of of petty criminals and drug dealers have recently moved to your neighbourhood, you’ll spot all kinds of people that you think fit the bill and you’ll tell me I was right and that you’ve noticed them.
You find and attract whatever you look for.
When you go out in the world, and you mould your energy and your state of being in a certain way, you will naturally connect with those people and events that fit that mould and compliment your energy.
You fit the outside world around your inner narrative as the mind loves to prove itself right and say I told you so, I knew that was going to happen, and it will distort reality in all kinds of ways to do that.
So when the mind spends most of its time fixated on some particular negative thing, this is what it will generate, and manufacture and find.
And this is actually the biggest cosmic joke, slightly cruel and particularly ironic because it then gives the mind the justification to continue doing what it was doing , because after all “I was right all along, I told you that was going to happen and it did“, and it gives it the momentum, the fuel to keep running in the same way it was.
I look at my dog, who barks every time there’s a noise at the door, or the postman comes with a letter. In his view, he’s protected the house from every single intruder that’s every come to the door.
This is the program that he’s running.
He has no awareness that none of his barking or his actions have had any impact on who has or hasn’t come into the house.
So how do we stop doing this?
With mindfulness.
By being very mindful and aware of these thoughts and cycles and patterns that are coming up.
Observing the thoughts as they come and go.
You’ve already realised at least that this voice isn’t the entirety of who you are, because if it were you, then who’s the person listening to the thoughts?
Who’s the one on the receiving end of the critical thoughts? Where are you in those moments of silence, no matter how brief they are? The gaps between this stream of thinking?
The realisation of the thinking mind isn’t another thought, it’s a realisation from a deeper awareness. The thinking mind comes back in straight afterwards to think and talk about how profound the realisation was, and make a lot of noise about it, but just before that happened – who had the realisation, before there were the thoughts that arose to talk about it?
And outside of mindfulness, the second activity, and this might seem a bit counter intuitive as it requires just a bit more thinking, but is to start to question and challenge some of the thoughts that arise while being mindful not to get into a lot of self analysis.
So, One of the things that helped me the most when I had a lot of negative thinking, in fact almost entirely negative and fearful and black and white self-critical thinking is when I noticed a thought pattern start, I would ask myself –
Is this REALLY true?
Really really deep down true?
I know I’ve felt this way for a long time and it feels so true, but is it actually true?
Where’s the evidence?
Is this ALWAYS true?
When have there been exceptions to this?
What made me first start thinking this thought?
Is there a more true or more empowering thought I can practice in future instead?
It’s important to be mindful enough not to just redirect the thinking off into another direction of analysis and self criticism, but I’ve found that just posing these questions and listening carefully to the answers can be enough sometimes to dissolve these really persistent and repetitive thought patterns.
Ultimately though, there’s no way though to think your way out of this – it’s all of this great thinking of yours that got you here today, so start being more mindful of the thoughts that arise and at the same time remember that it’s just your mind, it’s a part of your experience, that’s got way out of hand over time, so much so that you’ve forgotten who you are and come to believe that this creation is you.
And with practice, and awareness, over time, it will start to become a bit more quiet and a bit more peaceful.
